Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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