Soap is not a condiment
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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