He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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