im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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