Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm always down for nudity.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
