Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
