if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
