sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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