I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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