i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
