When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
