i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
