Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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