My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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