Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
