I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
