who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
