So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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