Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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