Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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