I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
