someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
