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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...

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• (510): View more from California

  Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????

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