why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize