how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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