literally had 100 drinks last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
3pm strippers are depressing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
