Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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