Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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