after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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