3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
