thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
