Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
