i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
