your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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