We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
