Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
