he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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