my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
