I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
