i just had sex bonerless
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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