Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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