found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
