don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
