Whod you bang
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize