someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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