:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize