I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
