I accidentally burped into my bong.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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