The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
