dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
