i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
