I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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