There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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