Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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