I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's like iHOP with fire
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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