So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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