I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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