Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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