Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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