I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
