shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
