I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
