We need to rekindle our bromance
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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