Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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