the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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