he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
