She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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