weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
