I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
