it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
