I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
