Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
