Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
