I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
