I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
