He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Green mimosas i think yes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
