Your tits are I can't wait for
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
