Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
