She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.