it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
