just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
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We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am