The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.