no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
