All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
