i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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